Construction Paper Dolls
“As adults, we also have to be clear where the blame lies. I’m reminded of that as I travel home to hug the girls, and a text arrives from a 14-year-old friend of the family. Responding to the call to talk about the pressure she’s under, she texts: “DON’T bash the kids. We don’t sell porn. Grown-ups do. YOU FIX IT!!!!” [This a quote from Cole Moreton from the article "Children and the culture of pornography: 'Boys will ask you every day until you say yes'.]
I showed up late every day. I got a C in the class, and honestly, my professor was doing me a favor in making it that high. But that’s because I’m a slacker. The Sociology of Gender was still the single most important class I took in college. It changed my life. It changed the way I parent. It changed the way I look at my relationship with my husband. It helped me see how the world that I was brought up in had done a lot to create the person that is not necessarily fully me.
Everything you know about gender is socially constructed.
This bears repeating.
Everything you know about gender is socially constructed.
Our favorite colors. How we spend our time. What we feel guilty about. How often we want to have sex. What we watch on TV. What we love. What we read. How often we cry. When we fight. Who becomes the professional football player or the CEO. Who becomes the teacher or the nurse.
That doesn’t mean it’s not true. I don’t like guns or monster trucks. I do like to cook and share my feelings. These are facts. Life as I know it.
And it doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions. Some girls like blue. Some men become midwives. Some women want to be president. But it’s worth noting that if we hadn’t constructed our gender roles the way we have, these “exceptions” wouldn’t necessarily be notable at all.
And then there are our kids. And then there’s technology. And then there’s sex.
Why does feminism matter? Because our children are suffering.
My friend posted the article I mentioned at the beginning of this post on Facebook and she said that this is why she screens everything her children watch, listen to, or read. She argued that we need to raise “strong moral girls” and that if we did, the problem would fade away.
And I get where she’s coming from. I do. But I don’t think complete censorship or teaching our girls to say no will solve anything long-term.
I do believe we have to own our responsibility in perpetuating the issue. It’s not a new problem. As much as we would like not to know it, girls and women have been abused and misused and enslaved for thousands of years. And for just as long, men and boys have been taught that it’s their job as males to do it.* It’s dehumanizing on both sides. The only thing technology has done made it easier to record it and share it with all your friends.
This is not about good girls and bad boys or whores and players or ladies and gentlemen. We are human. The gendered labels that have been placed upon our foreheads do not do us any favors. A few of the parts of our bodies are different. They have different functions, yes. Absolutely. But we do not bleed pink and blue.
Why does feminism matter? Because I want to help create a world where rape is not a word.
We have the opportunity to redefine words like lust and moral. To teach and learn that what is expected from men and women does not have anything to do with their respective body parts. To raise our daughters as well as our sons to lead nations, share meals, build friendships, and even, if they must, drive monster trucks.
Why does feminism matter? Because lives are at stake. Both the living and the dead.
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*That is not to say that men and boys aren’t enslaved or abused. They are, and it is just as horrible.
This is a post for FemFest, a three day blog event created by Preston Yancey, Danielle Vermeer, and J.R. Goudeau. Today is the second day and we are linking up on Danielle’s blog, From Two to One. If you would like to participate, check out Preston’s blog for more information.
