Married and Waiting

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Istood in front of the bar as the bartender finished making the two top shelf long island iced teas I’d just rung in. 

I felt a light tickling on my forearm and a surge of electric energy shot through every part of of my body. I jumped and turned to see who had touched me. He stood behind me, beaming. A hint of mischief in his eyes. And—something else. I giggled and turned away. The inevitable flush on my cheeks made me turn even redder. The bartender looked at me with questioning eyes.

 

Being an empath is weird. When a person is mad or sad or elated, I feel those feelings. As if they were my own. Sometimes I don’t realize the emotions aren’t mine.

 

As an intuitive empath, I was excited to get back to waiting tables, so ready to use my newly-realized abilities to anticipate what guests needed and wanted, and to provide it in abundance. It’s a great exercise in trusting my gut. That lady needs the Diet Coke constantly flowing. This couple wants to be left almost completely alone. I tap into their emotions and I cater my service to literally give them a feel-good experience.

 

But, perhaps naively, I didn’t stop to consider an entire category of feelings.

 

Maybe I’ve been under a rock for the last several years. Maybe the restaurant industry is an unusually sexually-charged environment. Maybe putting in the extra effort during my Sexy Quarter has changed the way others see me. But, hand to God, I haven’t felt this attractive in freaking years.

 

Now, I’m a happily married woman. And I tell my husband everything—seriously. This particular quarter of my life has had lots of interesting implications. One of the biggest has been the realization that Jermaine and I have similarly open beliefs about feelings of attraction outside of our marriage. Basically, we’re fine with it. But still. It’s weird. And it leads to conversations like this one.

 

Self: I can literally feel the lust. As if it were my own. 

Self: How do you know it isn’t?

 

The thing is, of course, I can’t prove it. Maybe I am suddenly full of lust. Honestly, I’m sure some of it’s mine—he’s cute! But also, there’s something very real happening here. In bringing sexy back, I’ve accidentally opened up the front and the sides. It’s impossible to explain if you’ve never felt it. It feels little dangerous, but I am a thrill-seeker at heart. And this is my Sexy Quarter after all.


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